breakthroughs

I have come to believe that a setback in one area of life is almost always a breakthrough in another area. Sometimes the breakthrough is invisible to our conscious minds, slower to manifest, or it seems to be overshadowed by the setback. For example, the loss of a job can coincide with some much needed time off to reflect, regenerate, and refocus, and reconnect with old desires, skills, hobbies and friends. Financial difficulties can inspire us to go outside of the box and explore new ways to earn income, or instill within us more of a determination to work hard. Delays in one area of life can often accompany breakthroughs in a totally different area of life as well.

Take me for example. I should've been on the road a month ago. I dont like to should all over myself, however, my plan was to be on the road and I am not yet on the road. My apartment is full of boxes and I am almost packed and ready, so what is holding me back?

First, my friend hired me to design a couple of yellow page ads for her business. I have fun playing around in Photoshop, but I am no professional. In the process of doing this, I got the idea to design and sell my own T-shirts. I joined a website that enabled me to do just that, and then I find out that I need to upload vector graphics to add to the shirts, which I cannot create in Photoshop. I then went on a little online surfing journey discovering that vector graphics are made with Adobe Illustrator and a few other programs. I know nothing about Adobe Illustrator, and in my searches for information I started getting sidetracked and stumbled upon even more ideas.

So instead of putting my energy into moving, I started to create a new website from scratch, unrelated to the T-shirt project. Ive used the Tripod site builder and hosting in the past, which is extremely simple. Now, however, I am working with a more professional hosting plan and this real website design stuff is a quagmire. Getting the domain name and hosting plan was easy enough but then I start finding out all this other stuff that is involved and I am like, "FTP WHAT???? DNS huh? What the fuck are RSS feeds?" I feel like Ive signed up for a course in algebra and I havent even learned addition yet. I still have dial up, ffs (that WILL change when I get completely moved after my road trip!!)! So I am working on being patient with myself while I research all of this stuff one step at a time. In the process I am learning a lot, and building what will, in the best possible outcome, turn out to be a new source of income in the future.

I was definitely hit with one of those manifestations of that "life is what happens in between your plans" cliche. I figured I might as well use the boost of inspiration while its here and work on what I want to do, instead of using the energy for the move. I never know when I am going to get another one of these creative power surges.

I really wrapped things up with X and put some final closure on that, through a letter, and it is amazing once I did that, how quickly I was bombarded with new ideas and creative energy. It was like I was brought back to life after being cut free from hundreds of thousands of pounds of ropes that were tying and smothering me into this dark emotional bondage (I know it sounds like Im being dramatic here but that is how it was).

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